October 10 | 5pm

I have a case of the mondays.. but not the normal tired mondays.. like I’m exhausted mondays!

We skipped coop- mostly because my heart can’t handle the newness of new friends right now and I knew John wouldn’t be able to take them since he had a couple friends coming to help with floors.

So we went to our neighborhood Library.. where we are seen and known and life can feel “normal” for a few hours.

This is kindness to myself and my kids. Sure they were sad about missing coop, but they love the library and love Ms. Carly even more!

Here’s a glimpse into today.. I woke up and I threw on a shirt my friend brought me. It’s NOT a shirt I’d normally wear, but I kinda feel like I don’t care at this point if it covers my body it is worn! Ha.

At breakfast, my one daughter told me she didn’t like my shirt, it just wasn’t me.. she wasn’t wrong.. but I”m also embracing new things..

What I really heard underneath that comment was her sweet little heart of.. mom… so much is changing, please don’t go crazy and change.. Instead of being annoyed that she commented on my shirt that I thought was fine.. I decided to read deeper and meet her.. Her little heart needed reassurance and I also needed to remember it wasn’t about my shirt at all..

This was kindness to my daughter .. I could have just dismissed her comments and not said anything other than “well I like it today.” (And I really don’t always get it right.. trust me.. but these moments of getting it “right” are beautiful). I love my little truth speaker and I also love that she’s got the sweetest most sensitive heart!

A few updates:

– We got an email saying our van was totaled and we are currently waiting on numbers and holding our breath… car shopping is overwhelming! IF you know a good used car dealer please please let me know.. I don’t think I have capacity to try to find one for sale by owner.. too many things to think about and at the least with a dealer there’s a warranty that can give me peace of mind for this season of rebuilding!

-I finally got a call from our flood insurance adjuster. Somehow when he read me our coverage, it sunk in differently. Yes I know flood doesn’t cover contents, living expense, food, or even a washer/dryer… Sure I know there’s a deductible.. but when you say it out loud it sounds awful! Haha .. I right away think about all the neighbors hearing the same things, except this house was their retirement house!

This is kinda how monday is going.

And yet.. my neighbors are slowly starting to listen and realize that before adjusters come out they need to cut some drywall and remove floors.. I literally cheered for the big FEMA garbage trucks .. and the guys were grateful.. at least they smiled when my kids and I drove by waving! And then it hit me.. without the visual junk mess, will anyone else remember the trauma we have all been through?

I’d love prayer for us to be able to dream. I don’t just want to slap our house together and call it a day. I’d love to be intentional about what we choose.

Change is good, but just like my shirt situation today.. I want to walk into my house (and for others to also) and immediately think.. “this is totally you guys!”

Honestly, this is a new uncomfortable place for me. I’ve not designed a house, floors or cabinets I just feel overwhelmed.. I don’t know how I’ll dream inside the mess, but I know I want to!