Update: 3AM Tuesday 10/4 .. today I swore I was going to bed at a normal hour.. I think I might just have to yell uncle!
We did some “normal” things today!
Overall up to this point has felt like a lot. My kids needed to sleep in, they needed quiet, they needed to be really seen by smaller numbers. It almost felt like the eye of the hurricane.. the calm in the middle.. it was super weird to be in my house without people everywhere!
Having a disaster includes LOTs of coordinating and paper pushing.. it can feel so transaction like and less human. I am a little bit stuck and a little bit just dragging. I feel totally affirmed in my ambivert ness! (Look it up if ya don’t know.. it’s like the middle kid of extrovert and introvert!)
I cleared/boxed my bathroom in silence and alone.. and it was totally OK! Though it was a weird feeling seeing only 2 people in my house with me, it was perhaps a needed thing too!
I took my daughter to ballet and went to Publix to get milk for our family… like a normal monday afternoon/evening.
I snuck in a phone call to a good friend and she told me she will be praying for me to look for the fun; that I would laugh more and experience glimpses of just pure joy! I write this post knowing many of my friends aren’t sure what they think about God and I totally understand that, sometimes I’m not sure either if I kick and scream, run away, or sit close.
Regardless, God delivered that!
My ballerina continued to show me all the things they did in class and how much fun it was helping in the “baby” class afterward, with the biggest smiles and the brightest face.. she was glowing! My little guy and I got alone time while she was in ballet and he ended his night in the tub with a can of sparkling water- making me the best mom ever because he could drink in the tub! AND my middle was able to have a less busy afternoon with just one friend who spent a few hours with her without siblings. She got to learn and play this new game she got yesterday… and then proceeded to teach me and kick my butt .. which ensued lots of belly laughs ! Each of the kids looked more like themselves today and less like the kids who weren’t sure what was what…
I’m hopeful and still exhausted all in one. I have a list of items to do that include what I feel like is busy work.. and I don’t really want to do.. claim stuff and lists for insurance, etc.. and today we discovered though the car that didn’t flood in the garage like the van .. it did in fact actually get water on carpets and so far it’s just an awful smell.. but one more thing..
I did start an Amazon list.. I’m kinda waiting to see if we will be able to rent/borrow a RV/trailer or if we will stay in an Airbnb etc. because some of my items include things like towels for the family. I also have been battling my need to be understood in producing a list for “needs” because I haven’t decided if i will include things like an iPad.. I hate being misunderstood and this feels like a place that this can happen very easily!!! Even in this post I want to say why (because I put it out there).. and I think it takes more courage to pause.. I personally call this moment a “courageous pause”
What’s happening? I remember the first time I read something from Henry Cloud and he said something like if you have some “big feels” (my words not his) about a situation that doesn’t typically warrant that.. then likely there’s more there to explore.. darn you cloud! Ya aren’t wrong !!
So I could just “get over myself” and add the items and be done.. or I could explore a bit more about what is this bringing up for me.. whenelse have I felt these feelings? And honestly .. if you’ve read other posts.. sometimes I just decide yup too much .. wheres that bin for this one for another day.. both are totally acceptable for me to choose.. so I’ll choose something and you’ll see a list soonish!
But really I gotta reign in the late night bedtimes!
Also FYI our needs from yesterday are still needs.
Same for prayers, but I’ll add for John and I to find time to regroup together and to choose each other .. because this disaster marathon has an end(at some point!) and we both would say we want to finish the race together and not so bloody and bruised.. or dragging the other.. great analogy right?!
Ahh and local friends – if anyone is coming tomorrow can you let me know? I can’t remember if anyone is.. I’ll be at the house but maybe not so early (unless you are..) since ya know it’s 3am now!
Thanks for reading, you are my rockstar!