Sat 2AM update: which I hope is not my new regualr update timing..
Friday was not our typical Friday!! .. the day was filled with clearing floors of debris and praying for the streets to clear! The kids found the tree branches fun as well as the outdoor puddles ..
I continued to try to forget what was in the actual water and reminded them to wash their hands often! I did see a “tadpole” up close with legs.. so that was kinda cool!
No power (so we had items i knew we could work with first day) We grilled burgers on our front yard and MM and I walked around with some to give to our neighbors in the cul de sac. (Mostly “older” single women in our street!) so many (of us ) have a story to tell.. trauma is that.. and every person needs to tell theirs… I hope I get to continue to listen and see my neighbors in the weeks and months ahead of this crazy
Reality was hitting today..the need to get our house dry as quickly as possible was sinking in and yet my body is also tired! It’s held a lot these last couple days..
We bagged up the obvious items that were continuing to wet the floors like rugs and books.
I’m not usually someone who holds items super sentimentally but I had many moments today. Reminders that the majority of the past sorting I’ve done of house items has been to donation piles or specifically out grown clothes, or sorting for moving… this is a much different scenario. In this scenario it doesn’t really feel like a choice.. sure I “could” keep wet soggy books, for example, but really?! Would I?
One of the most helpful things for me is to see when choice doesn’t feel present .. what’s happening for me and what do I need to be aware of.. what am I able to choose?
Today recognizing grief ! I didn’t choose this event, I didn’t feel prepared nor would I have welcomed this.
Grief is interesting and unpredictable.. in the midst of mess we can tell it there’s no room.. I have a plan, I’m in control.. but grief doesn’t care! It’s there.. waiting to be heard and seen..
It caught me today when I looked at a stack of books we tried to save by lifting the bookshelf up (but not high enough by a few inches..) and noticed those books represented various seasons of growth in my life and were my favs.. It was a gentle reminder I’ve traveled through trauma before, but I didn’t always travel this way.. I can choose how I travel through this.. how do I want to walk this path?
Or when I found 1 bin under my bed that had a small hole and contained pictures that I thought were moved.. but instead covered in sewage water..
Or when I carried out to the trash pile my kid’s tote that fell over with all the best nerf guns and my little guy sobbed.. asking if they all really did get covered in water we couldn’t clean.. watching someone else grieve is next level hard .. parent or not..
Carrying my kiddos beloved Doll house that’s mushy and falling apart and remembering we didn’t get to save it in time.. and now it’s really gone ..
This is getting long.. but last BOG THING.. the roads cleared “enough” and our van started! It has an electrical issue somewhere that was clear upon driving, but hopefully will dry more tonight.. there were some deeper waters on the way out.. but who knew beachside would be way better off in this storm?! Parts of New Smyrna seem/are untouched ?! I can’t fathom that really!
BEST update.. we are staying at a friends condo that actually has power and internet and I had a full conversation without cell issues! I drank an ice cold cup of water, we got warm showers and I’m doing a load of laundry!
I have so much more I could say.. but I also am looking forward to sleeping with AC! Which reminds me I need to go do that!
If you read all the way thru this THANK you. Grateful for your kindness toward our family and me.. tonight and tomorrow we will be sleeping at this condo and in a lot of ways it feels like a pause to digest what has happened and regroup for the next steps ahead!
Stay tuned for practical ways to help. I’ve been taking to people who know about this kind of clean up! so grateful for the offers to help .. still in so many ways unreal , but it’s settling in.. slowly..
Ellen
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